The American Ritual: The Road Trip

I recently had the honor of embarking on that very American of rituals: the road trip — specifically, a cross-country trip. While a journey from my native London to Glasgow takes approximately a day, to travel from one end of the United States (my adopted home) to the other requires at least a week to accomplish in style. While my first inclination, when approached about enduring a road trip, was to reserve a train ticket. After all, what better way to drink in the rough-hewn beauty of these great states than from the window of a train?

My soon-to-be road companion, Jack, who happens to be Robert Taylor\’s reincarnated doppelganger, quickly rubbished any plans of a train voyage and reserved a rental car. He reserved a four-door sedan — a 2008 Ford Taurus to be exact. We could each bring one carry on bag, a miniature cooler filled with perishable goods, and our cellphones (for navigating and emergency purposes).

A viable road trip is predicated on the ability to master the paradox of sustaining conversation and embracing silence. Talking too much makes one a boor, while not talking enough makes one a shrinking violet. Likewise, you must be able to gauge the relative fatigue of the person at the wheel. He may say he is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but that may only be a consequence of having enjoyed a hardy round of conversation.

A point of order: the de facto navigator is the person in the front passenger seat. He or she is charged with tracking the GPS system and ensuring the course is set and accurate. Furthermore, the passenger is responsible for finding rest stops, restaurants, and the next Holiday Inn Express. Never settle for a sub-par hotel or motel. You need a decent night\’s rest and a nice, hot shower to empower this grueling test of interpersonal communication and endurance.

It should be noted that a key facet to the denouement of the road trip is a respectful silence. Approximately 100 miles from the target destination is a time for quiet introspection, possibly some note-taking, and a gradual return from the willingness to share deep, personal fears or private misgivings. All that was said en route will now be stored away, deep in the recesses of the mind, never to be spoken of again. All that is left is the sweet relief of superficial conversation and the appreciation of a friend for life.

When checking in for the night at the local Holiday Inn Express, be sure to bring all of your belongings into the room. This includes your cooler, baggage, and all valuables. It\’s best to have these essential items with you at all times.